You know what they say about shooters going through a slump… can’t let them see the ball go through the net. Well, despite logging another atrocious NFL week in the books overall, your boy punched in his first positive NFL week of the year (+0.05 units… but hey we’ll take it and build from here). There’s actually quite a lot to be excited about heading into Week 3. Not only do we finally have some decent 2022 data on teams but we also have the chance to take advantage of some buy-low opportunities across the league since people can’t help themselves but to overreact to the first ~11% of the regular season. 

In the words of the worst haircut in the NFL, “R-E-L-A-X”. We’re not hitting the panic button… we’re hitting the gas full throttle. This year’s SHB NFL train leaves the station today so cop a ride and always remember to bet smarter, not harder.

Q’s Best Bets (After Week 2: 1-4 Overall, -2.45 Units Total)

Baltimore Ravens @ New England Patriots/Cincinnati Bengals @ NY Jets
Pick: 2 Team Parlay: Ravens +3.5, Bengals Moneyline (+110) (1 unit)

Both of these plays ride the backs of two elite teams that haven’t played up to standard so far this season. 

The Ravens are coming off one of the most brutal losses of the season last week to Miami, allowing the Dolphins to score 28 points in the 4th quarter and blowing a 21 point lead. Not only has Lamar looked solid this season but his wide receivers are starting to come together in Rashod Bateman and Devin Duvernay (who housed a kickoff last week), he obviously still has arguably the best tight end in the league in Mark Andrews and Baltimore could finally get JK Dobbins back this week. Compare that to a Patriots squad that has only scored 24 total points through the first two weeks and you get what should be a solid bounce back game for an AFC team looking to make some noise in the postseason. Score Prediction: Ravens 24 – Patriots 10.

Teams that start the year 0-2 have absolutely balled out in Week 3 historically and I don’t expect the Super Bowl hopeful Bengals to be any exception whatsoever. The Bengals should be 2-0 right now but the Super Bowl slump has definitely been in full effect to start the year. Lucky for Burrow, they face a lowly Jets secondary this week that just allowed Jacoby Brissett and the Browns (mostly Amari Cooper) to torch them for over 225 yards through the air last week and they’ve already allowed 7 TDs on the year through Week 2. The Bengals offensive line hasn’t looked great so far this year (a pretty frustrating factor considering their offseason additions) but the Jets don’t have too many pass rushers outside of Quinnen Williams to worry about (that said, Williams is questionable heading into Week 3 anyways). Don’t overthink this one, buy low on the Bengals this week in what should be a turnaround game for last year’s runner ups. Score Prediction: Bengals 31 – Jets 20.

Pittsburgh Steelers @ Cleveland Browns/Kansas City Chiefs @ Indianapolis Colts
Pick: 2 Team Parlay: Steelers +10.5, Colts +14.5 (-105) (1 unit)

This twofold play is simple, bet on Mike Tomlin as a road dog and trust that the public is overreacting to the Colts terrible start to the season (0-1-1 but definitely feels more like 0-2 in my opinion).

Since taking over as head coach for the Steelers, Mike Tomlin is 46-23-2 against the spread as an underdog on the road… That’s truly absurd and a rule to live by at this point. If the Steelers weren’t so banged up right now I’d probably take their spread vs throwing them into a parlay but with TJ Watt out it feels safer to bank on them to keep this within 10 points. Score Prediction: Browns 21 – Steelers 17.

Despite the rough start to the season, the Colts are definitely good enough to keep this game within two scores… especially considering the Chiefs play the Bucs next week so this should be a lookahead game for them. This line feels like an overreaction to the first two weeks of the year so throwing the Colts into a parlay that gifts them 2 TDs feels like a steal. The Colts also should get Michael Pittman Jr back this week which should help out Matt Ryan immensely and open things up a bit for the best RB in the league (Jonathan Taylor). Don’t get me wrong, not calling for a huge upset here but I’m definitely going to take advantage of the inflation since this should be significantly closer than what Vegas is predicting as of today. Score Prediction: Chiefs 27 – Colts 20.

New Orleans Saints @ Carolina Panthers/Pittsburgh Steelers @ Cleveland Browns/Cincinnati Bengals @ NY Jets/LA Rams @ Arizona Cardinals
Pick: Mega Parlay: Panthers +7.5, Pittsburgh Steelers +10.5, Bengals -2.5, Rams/Cardinals Total Points Over 39.5 (+300) (0.25 units)

Letting it rip with a can’t miss mega parlay this week as well… Matt Rhule probably gets axed this weekend if the Panthers don’t beat a wounded Saints team on Sunday, Mike Tomlin is a stingy road dog, the Bengals are looking for a team to take their frustrations on starting the year 0-2 and the Rams/Cardinals both have solid offenses and defenses that tend to lose focus. Cha, ching.

New Orleans Saints @ Carolina Panthers/Cincinnati Bengals @ NY Jets/Detroit Lions @ Minnesota Vikings
Pick: 3 Team Parlay: Panthers +14.5, Bengals Moneyline, Lions/Vikings Total Points Over 40 (+100) (1 unit)

Slight hedge play here given the Steelers wishy washy performance on Thursday. The Panthers should definitely be able to keep this one within two TDs considering they could easily be 2-0 vs 0-2 to start the season/0-2 teams fare great in week 3 historically (Rhule’s job is on the line as well). This is a perfect “get right” spot for Burrow and the Bengals playing the Jets this week and they’re also 0-2 to start the season so history is on their side. The Lions and Vikings both have average to bad defenses and both sides tout offenses that should be able to put points on the board. This one feels like a shoot out so siding with the over on the alternate points total to be safe. NFL volatility man…

DPJ’s Best Bets (After Week 2: 1-5 Overall, -4.09 Units Total)

Las Vegas Raiders @ Tennessee Titans – Sunday, 9/25 (1:00 PM EST)
Pick: Raiders -2 (-110) (1 unit)

Both of these teams meet in Nashville with 0-2 records, looking to get back on track and turn their seasons around. Neither have looked very impressive but the Raiders have at least taken their L’s to two “good” teams (Cardinals probably aren’t very good, but they also had no business winning that game). Titans on the other hand appear to be in dumpster fire mode. Defense looks like ass, Tannehill looks like a pumpkin, and Derrick Henry has zero room to run. I am foreseeing a lot of Max Crosby in the Tennessee backfield and expect the Raiders to come into town and lay down the hammer. Score Prediction: Raiders 30 – Titans 17.

San Francisco 49ers @ Denver Broncos – Sunday, 9/25 (8:20 PM EST)
Pick: 49ers -1 (-110) (1 unit)

Trey Lance goes down and in my opinion the Niners are immediately a better football team. Vegas seemingly agrees as their odds to win the superbowl improved. This is more proof that Kyle Shanahan is an absolute Bozo for drafting a project QB and trying to plug him into a team that is ready to win now. Do I think Jimmy G will actually win them a superbowl? No. But he certainly will take them further than Trey Lance. I’m not the least bit concerned with a Broncos matchup in Denver. I might have to start betting against Russ and Hackett every game after those two performances to start the season. They don’t look like small mistakes or errors either, they look like they don’t know what the hell they are doing. Clock management and offensive play call decisions would make you think Hellen Keller has a clipboard. I’d love to see Hackett canned after one year and the fanbase turning on Mr. Unlimited. The losing skid continues for the Broncos in week 3. Score Prediction: Niners 27 – Broncos 20.

Philadelphia Eagles @ Washington Commanders – Sunday, 9/25 (1:00 PM EST)
Pick: Eagles -6 (-110) (1 unit)

I hate to jump on a bandwagon like this but the Eagles look like an absolute wagon. I know it was Kirk Cousins in prime time but they simply clowned the Vikings from start to finish. The Eagles now head down the Atlantic seaboard for a matchup with Wentz and the struggling Commanders. A team who can’t stop the run, playing arguably the best running team in the NFL through two weeks. Jalen Hurts looks like the truth, AJ Brown has unlocked their whole offense, and Miles Sanders is even healthy. One of the most impressive stats is the eagles are 56.7% converting 3rd downs, good for 2nd in the league. It’s tough to get these birds off the field as they run the ball down your throat and wear you down all game. I expect the Commies to lose by two scores. Score Prediction: Eagles 30 – Commanders 20. 

Houston Texans @ Chicago Bears – Sunday, 9/25 (1:00 PM EST)
Pick: Bears -2.5 (-110) (1 unit)

Justin Fields said a bunch of dumb stuff in the press this week and somehow I’m going to spin that into a positive for the Bears. Chicago had incredibly low expectations going into the year, and even with a week 1 win, they have somehow looked worse than anticipated. Justin is clearly feeling the heat and I think he knows that clock is starting to tick, hence the stupid media comments. He needs a strong performance, ideally several, to win back the fanbase and keep his job as starter for the remainder of the season and next. There is historically no better team to do that against than the Houston Texans. Their defense has looked formidable through two weeks but that was against the Colts (who suck) and the Broncos (who probably also suck). I like this spread inside of 3 and I think the Bears find a way to grit out a win and get back on track. Score Prediction: Bears 23 – Texas 17.

LA Rams @ Arizona Cardinals – Sunday, 9/25 (4:25 PM EST)
Pick: Rams -3.5 (-110) (1 unit)

I’m not even gonna bother looking up the stats but I know Sean McVay consistently owns the Arizona Cardinals year after year. He’s also handled much better Cardinals teams than this one, who were a couple lucky Kyle Murray video game plays away from being 0-2. The Cardinals have basically been clowned for seven quarters of football this year. The Rams on the other hand got clowned for four quarters in week 1 against the Bills, a humble awakening I must say, but they certainly found their wayin week 2. They took their foot off the gas in the second half vs Atlanta but I trust enough of what I saw in the first half to know this team is still the Rams. Aaron Donald might shotput Kyler Murray out of University of Phoenix stadium and into his Call of Duty gamer chair across town. This one may have some points scored but Rams will get the job done. Score Prediction: Rams 38 – Cardinals 30.

Cincinnati Bengals @ NY Jets – Sunday, 9/25 (1:00 PM EST)
Pick: Bengals -4.5 (-110) (1 unit)

The Bengals could not possibly lose to the Steelers, Cowboys and Jets to start the season, right? Right. I thought this Bengals team was a little overrated coming into the season but I definitely do not think they are this bad. The OL looks like booty cheeks but I think they can put together one good game to beat the brakes off the Jets. If you told me the 0-2 Bengals would be only a 4.5 pt favorite going into New York (actually NJ, frauds) I would have told you you’re crazy. They still have Burrow, Mixon, Chase and Co. It’s time for this Bengals team to wake up from their kitty nap and save their season. The Joe Flacco Jets are simply not winning this game, Bengals by a million. Score Prediction: Bengals 41 – Jets 21

Pittsburgh Steelers @ Cleveland Browns/New Orleans Saints @ Carolina Panthers/Green Bay Packers @ Tampa Bay Buccaneers 
Pick: Bonus Hungry Dog Parlay: Steelers ML, Panthers ML, Packers ML (+1257) (0.25 units)

Disclaimer: SidehustlebetsMJQ.com is not an online gambling operator or a gambling site of any kind. Our insights about sports/sports betting are purely for entertainment purposes only.