With a couple weeks of NFL playoffs and the Super Bowl to finish out the NFL season, we figured the time has come for an update on Q and I’s 1v1 fantasy league. If you’ve been following along with the Clash of the Titans League (congrats to the three of you who did) you probably know that it was quite a one-sided season. The cherry on top was the punishment that Q got to take for his big loss: eating a taco 12 pack from Taco Bell in 30 minutes or less. We had a lot of fun with this league this year and look forward to expanding our FFL coverage in the ‘22-23 season. Thank you for riding along.
DPJ’s Victory Lap:
When Q and I devised the league rules and reward/punishment we both thought 12 tacos in 30 minutes seemed fairly easy. I even considered upping the ante a bit after week 1, but thank goodness we didn’t. After seeing all 12 of those tacos laid out on Q’s table I was appalled by the sheer amount of tortillas he was about to consume. If it were me, I would have picked hard-shell tacos, not soft. But I’m also not the one who got my ass beat for an entire fantasy season so I did not have to make that decision (sorry Q). How did we get here, you may ask? I won the regular season trophy (8-4, with an insurmountable lead after just 12 weeks). And I won the two-week championship by about 70 points. Oh the sweet taste of victory…which luckily does not taste like Taco Bell!
Q’s League Apology:
I’d like to issue an apology to both of my all star Arbitrage league fantasy squads this season. Despite unrelenting efforts from all of my players week in and week out, our pursuit of fantasy greatness came undone by a combination of numerous nail biter losses and some poor team management on my part. I take full responsibility for our failure to accomplish our goal and I feel truly blessed to have coached such a talented and inspiring group of players. We live to fight another day and we look forward to the challenge of facing our greatest adversity yet. Congrats to DPJ and his squad on a great season and best of luck dealing with a drive to avenge like you’ve never seen next year. They say the fantasy gods never dish out punishments that you can’t handle, so they must just think Jake is super soft… Thanks to all of our diehard fans out there (shout out to our boy Sebastian) and be sure to tune in next season for the comeback story of the century.
Taco 12 Pack Punishment Breakdown:
So turns out eating 12 soft tacos in 30 minutes or less is actually pretty tough… excruciatingly difficult some might say. For those of you that avoid math at all costs, that’s 2.5 minutes per taco. Sounds like plenty of time right? Give it a try some time.
Tacos 1-4: Absolute cake. I’m probably averaging about 2 minutes per taco, I’ve got a comfortable pace going with plenty of hot sauce and I’m already a third of the way through the punishment… got this.
Tacos 5-6: Ok, yes, this is going to be difficult. I’m halfway through the process now but I’ve absolutely hit a wall and every bite is becoming a burden. Thankfully, I’m still keeping that 2 min/taco pace so I’ve built up a little bit of a buffer if I need it.
Tacos 7-8: Yep, every bite is a challenge at this point. I’m tired of the taste of hot sauce now and I’m drinking water after literally every single bite I take. My pace is falling off entirely and I can tell this might be a sprint to the finish soon.
Tacos 9-10: Why did I only get beef tacos? Should I have switched it up? Would that have made this easier? Well I made my Grade D beef bed, now I have to sleep in it. At this point I’m well off pace but I’m losing the ability to do math in my head as I’m entirely consumed with the lead ball of fast food in my stomach. I’m taking a brief 1 minute break and then powering through the last two.
Taco 11: Taking a break was an absolutely terrible idea. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so full in my entire life and I have like 1.5 minutes to finish the last two tacos now… The taste of lettuce at this point is truly disgusting and I’m dedicating all of my energy to go to my happy place mentally. This last taco will be a true photo finish.
Taco 12: Great, I have maybe 30 seconds to get this last taco down. I’m literally plugging my nose as I shove down the last remnants of this ordeal that is fast food. THEY DON’T PUT RINGS ON SOFT HANDS. This is where the boys are separated from the men. I finally get the last massive bite down. It’s over. It’s finally over. I’ll never underestimate the taco challenge ever again. I’m also boycotting Taco Bell for the foreseeable future.
2021 FFL Lessons Learned:
This fantasy football season taught us quite a bit and DPJ and I want to share the insights we gained. Enjoy our takes and best of luck next year!
- AJ Brown is made of glass.
- Tony Pollard is going to be better than Zeke, if he’s not already.
- CEH, also made of glass.
- The Cardinals always start the season hot.
- If Diontae Johnson gets a good QB throwing him the ball eventually then he’ll be a top 5-10 WR easily.
- CMC is made of extremely fragile glass and might be washed at this point.
- Najee Harris will be an absolute monster once he has a better offensive line.
- Jonathan Taylor is a future Hall of Famer.
- Nuk might be washed from age at this point.
- D’Andre Swift has the most yards per carry in the league on a terrible team… he’ll be scary good eventually.
- Joe Burrow is a late round steal and should only get better.
- Dak is an inconsistent choke artist.
- I’ll have what Tom Brady’s having.
- DK Metcalf is overrated.
- Josh Allen, Pat Mahomes and Justin Herbert are the clear cut QB1s of the next decade.
- Tight End has never been more top heavy. The difference between TE5 and TE13 was ~20 points.
- Saquon Barkley just doesn’t look the same. Never draft him again, especially if he’s wearing a Giants uniform.
- It is absurd that Cordarrelle Patterson is listed as a WR and RB. He had fewer targets than Leonard Fournette. It’s cool, but dumb.
- DJ Moore is rock solid. He finished WR20 with a bunch of scrubs throwing him the ball. Get this man a real QB and he will be top 10.
Arbitrage League Season 1 Scoring Breakdown:
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